Was it apathy or lack of love??

I encountered a strange feeling today. In my last blog I wrote about the presentation concept. There was one person who shared the saddest moment of his life : it was when he lost his mother. He started off nicely, contrasting the day with India's 20-20 win etc, and then went into finer details. After a 5 minute stint, he broke off in tears, with trembling voice...etc

During this whole incident, I saw that people around me are very compassionate about that person, there was a lull inside the seminar hall. But well, I found it very unprofessional and disturbing. First, loss of his mother may be a sad moment for him, but it must also be very private. Why should one invoke and cry? Secondly, I felt like screaming at his face, "why are you mentioning this moment? Loss of your mother is an unavoidable fact. How can it be your saddest moment? Look at me, I have lost my mother, yet my saddest moment would be when I did not do well in the HS exams".

What's wrong with me? Why am I devoid of sentiments that most people possess? On the other hand, I'm a bundle of sentiments, I take things seriously quite often; get disturbed, dismayed, distracted; I even cry. So, why this bipolar disposition? Why am I so dispassionate about my mother? may be because it was too private and precious for me to dig the memories up, perhaps I was relieved that she went away, perhaps my life is so dependent on "Myself" that there is not much space for other persons that could affect me greatly...

Whats wrong with "I"? Perhaps "I" is the only problem. I dont know yet. May be one day I will...

Nostalgia or stagnation??

Last Sunday, 2nd March I went to watch "Vantage point", a thriller movie, in New Empire. Well, this s been my most frequent pastime since I came back to Calcutta in 2000. And I always follow the same route. A bus to the flea market under 4no Bridge, cross the rail tracks with small shops of fish and beef and Attars on both sides-then take an auto-rickshaw that passes through the most culturally, religiously diverse areas of Calcutta - Park circus, Circus Avenue, Elliott road, Ripon st, Rafi Ahmed kidwai road to Esplanade. Those streets remained the same as I've been seeing then since last 15 years.

The movie was quite interestingly told, analysing a 23min duration event from different angle. The story started to take a twist when I found the yellow rectangle with "Interval" written on it. The low wattage bulbs were lit...people started to move out of the theater to grab some chips and coke. As I remained in the seat, the gloomy lights suddenly reminded me of that dreamy scene of "La vita e bella", the unforgettable red carpet scene. And it suddenly felt like a dream, that its not 2008 but 1993- the worn out and broken seats, dimly lit interior, same Mariah carey tracks-everything was just the same even 15 years ago. may be people didn't carry cellphones with them, but they bought the same chips that smell of oil. And it suddenly appeared to me, that the people have not changed at all. perhaps I'm changed somewhat. The shy 15 year old student who came to watch Batman and Robin and the 30 year old engineer watching Vantage point are not the same persons, but the crowd, <>, their collective character has not changed.

I was thinking, these small moments, snapshots evoke nostalgia. But then, it also means that it keeps us tied to the past. Setups of a hall reminds me of a day 15years ago : it certainly connotes that no improvement took place in last 15 years. With the rest of the world moving fast ahead, some part of Calcutta are stuck to their '70s state. In every building complex, shopping complex, new multiplexes come up. On the other hand, the old halls of Calcutta are being closed because of employee strike or being transformed into another shopping mall.

Well it certainly means stagnation to some extent, yet I would love as long as the people sustaining it continue to live happily and thrive. I want to continue walking along the muddy streets behind New Market, I would love Nizam to get back it's older look and older menu (it's NO BEEF tell me that I cant eat beef anymore anywhere), I want Society and chaplin and Jamuna to open again and Society get its huge porch reconstructed, I want the streets of central Calcutta remain narrow and cracked along the tram tracks...and yes, the rest of the city can prosper, I don't mind that! Coz the rest are not my part of the world.